well.

it seems a bit silly to put together resolutions, to be honest. at the beginning of 2020, my goals were to 1) prioritize self care, 2) spend more time being in love, 3) less materialism, and 4) experience the magic of nature.

instead, like so many of us, i surrendered any goals and simply prioritized survival. stuck at home, materialism became my escape; all those amazon packages turning into brief, little hits of dopamine. and while i did go outside, i can’t honestly say that i truly experienced the magic of nature. i went on exactly three hikes. the rest — rote walks around the neighborhood for the benefit of the dogs, wanting to get back inside as quickly as possible.

but, i suppose for 2020, survival is enough. and i know that i have so, so many reasons to be grateful: i survived with my job in tact, i survived without contracting covid-19, i survived without losing a loved one to covid-19. that should be enough, i know. and yet i experienced the hardest loss i have had to experience in my lifetime (a story worthy of its own blog post). i spent most of this year feeling lost, directionless, questioning every choice i have ever made.

the intentions

for 2021, it feels right to have goals that are more specific. more importantly, it feels right to enter the year with specific intentions behind these goals. if 2020 taught me anything, it’s that life is never going to be predictable.

over the years, i’ve struggled a lot with trying to compartmentalize myself and maintain multiple images: a work persona, an online persona, an anonymous pagan persona, a weight loss persona. these translated to a variety of different blogs and social media accounts. they were stifling to try to maintain. and it trained me to believe that if one of these pieces of myself dared to bleed into another, i would no longer be safe.

two years ago, i created betwixtcraft as a space to start breaking down and merging those pieces of myself. it wasn’t until 2020 that i decided: i am going to be all of those things in one place, and it will be here. but i still allowed my fears to block and stifle my self expression. in 2021, i’m saying, “fuck that”. i am a druid, a witch, a tarot reader, and i also lead an engineering team and write code for multiple enterprise companies. i love isolating myself in nature, photographing landscapes and micro-scapes that are interesting to me, and i also spend hours playing video games.

betwixtcraft was created with the intention of exploring those dualities and living in the spaces between them. i finally feel ready to fully commit to that.

i’ll be honest, i don’t actually have much hope that 2021 will be drastically different than 2020. even with vaccines on the way, there is a long road ahead of us before the world is appropriately protected from covid-19. there is still an enormous divide in politics and worldviews at a global level. america is still reckoning with and struggling to overcome its racist past and present. the detrimental effects of climate change are only just beginning to bear down on us, and the consequences of our actions are going to continue to accelerate.

truly, i needed to put my goals aside in 2020; there was so much to re-evaluate as i came to terms with these realizations and reckoned with all the things i needed to grieve. but the world is going to continue to change over my lifetime, in equally beautiful and tragic ways. to survive long-term, i need to have values and meaning and goals to ground me. at the same time, i recognize that my specific goals will often change as my specific needs shift in response to external circumstances.

if i set a goal to read one hundred books in a year, i will give myself grace if i only read one — especially if it’s because i needed that time to write a book instead.

the resolutions

my resolutions for 2021 are focused outside of my livelihood. i have given so much energy to my career over the last five years, and i feel fulfilled and financially secure in that area of my life. this year, i truly want to continue the momentum i started in 2020 toward achieving more balance in my life — to prioritize my health and wellbeing outside of the workplace. to let go of the fear that my career will crumble if i allow myself to explore and enjoy other areas of my life.

1. daily self care

this is purposely vague, because the self care needed truly varies from moment to moment. but, as a loose framework: create mindful mornings that begin with journaling, movement, and caring for my body before the workday begins.

2. regular creative expression

i have a lot of creative hobbies and interests. i have locked most of these away as i gave more and more of myself to my career. may 2021 be the year that i embrace these again. whether painting, writing, playing the keyboard or ukulele, singing, photographing nature, kitchen witchery, crafting or gardening — it doesn’t matter what i choose in what moment, as long as i am creating. and sharing it via betwixtcraft more often than once per year.

3. read only the books i already own

i spend a lot of money on books. a lot of appetizing books are released each year. and when i’m feeling particularly lost, purchasing a book to teach me or give me direction is how i self-soothe. i try to accomplish a reading challenge every year, and though i set a goal of reading 100 books in goodreads — this year my challenge is to simply read books that i already own. (but if i absolutely have to read a new release, i’ll use the library.)

4. complete the bardic grade of obod

in 2019, i committed myself to druidry and began the bardic grade coursework. while there is no deadline, i wanted to be much farther along in this spiritual education than i currently am. this year, my goal is to complete the grade — the true benefit being that i will be creating regular space in my life for my spirituality and practices. something i lost and desperately missed this past year.

5. memorize the meanings of tarot cards

reading tarot is an enormous part of my spiritual practice. i never cared much about memorizing the cards; it’s no less powerful of a practice if you need to read from a guidebook each time. but the true benefit here, like above, is creating a regular space in my life to focus on my spiritual practices.

6. crow pose

this pose in yoga is challenging, both physically and mentally. to accomplish this goal, i will need to build up strength in my arms and core. i will need to build muscle and drop fat. i will need to face and overcome my fears. i will need to practice and stay determined even when i’m not feeling inspired. achieving and holding crow pose will be a clear visual indicator of the work i put in to care for my body this year.